An Online Extramarital Affair: Recent Trend Changing Relationship Issues
An online extramarital affair: Recent trend changing relationship issues
H and D got married as a response to an eight year long, sincere and honest relationship. And life started moving one, unfolding itself in its full glory. They worked hard, secured a house for themselves in a posh sub-urban colony; D gave birth to two beautiful children in the frame of 5 years; the younger one a boy and a pretty girl. Both the parents worked hard during the week, partied harder during the weekend. The friends thought H & D made the prettiest and endearing couple. So life was happy, fulfilling and charismatic. Thus, it came as a jolt to their friends and folks when they heard the news of their separation. Want out, was all that came out as the reason.Nobody could point out what had gone amiss. Parents were passive and mute; friends stone silent since they didnt know who to side with. Everybody was wondering what couldve gone wrong. H felt that life has come to a standstill, while D was relived. The relationship issue had become chaotic and funny.
S, The couples close friend and also Ds colleague in the ad-agency she was employed, suggested H to probe the matter a little before being conclusive. It was such a long and meaningful relationship, after all. H saw light in what S told him, and decided to take matters in own hands before letting D go! He wanted to save and sort this Relationship Issues, for his childrens sake, for old times sake! H had never hurt D, never spoken wildly; they had never really had a disagreement. If at all, H had been keeping busy off-late, after his most recent promotion. But he ensured that D got her time over the weekends; only that she was consistently ignoring him. She wouldnt want him too near, to alone or too together. A sharp and a meticulous watch on her ensured that there was something amiss. This relationship issue took an entirely new curve when a thorough search of her online existence revealed that D was in a relationship with a 45 year old, good set in another town business entrepreneur, who was a divorcee and willing to get married to her.
A closer dig at the situation bought the reality to surface the man was just a scam that D had gotten herself into. It took a lot of efforts, perseverance and Hs support coupled with endless couple counselling and relationship counselling sessions for D to come out of the shock and plight of the situation. D still takes medical and psychological help to come to terms with her guilt and her scandalous love affair. This is not only Ds story nowadays, online extramarital has become an easy escape route for many corporate citizens who are either escaping or unable to face the reality of their existing relationships. To overcome the guilt or the misery or the expectations of the existing relationships one tries to test his/her waters elsewhere. Slowly gets addicted to the fling so that it causes families/homes to wash away. Since the new relationship is also karmic, it doesnt really help
LETS FACE IT -Cyber-cheating or online extra-marital affair is a reality!! Even with no physical contact the emotional and psychological attachment is many times greater than in a physical extra-marital affair.
There has been an ever increasing number of men and women who approach me to seek help battle this addiction. While many only realize the guilt after indulgence in sexual activity with their "online friend", others are burdened by sadness because they cannot divorce their current spouse.
It starts as harmless flirting, which becomes a good friendship and finally takes over the entire thought process of an individual. 99% of those involved, deny it at first. It's only when their obsession about their "online partner" over-clouds their entire sense, they start destroying their relationships.
Researchers have quizzed hundreds of those involved in such behavior. The prominent thought process is that all have described it as an easy, secretive and excitement filled adventure. In all cases it slowly becomes a powerful uncontrollable addiction. Like any addiction, the initial stages are very enjoyable and the later are devastating.
Presence of 6 or more of the following means you are involved in a dangerous "online extra marital relationship"
( for the purpose of this article, the term "online friend" is used to refer onto the male/female with whom an extra-marital cyber-relationship has been established)
1. Spending more than 2-3hours a day chatting or exchanging sms/messages with the same person i.e."online friend."
2. Thought Process is for most of the day preoccupied with thoughts of the "online friend".
3. Extreme concern to keep it as a secret. Going to length to try and concealing it from your friends, family and spouse.
Changing all your account passwords, creating new social networks/email accounts, concealing emails, changing his/her name on the blackberry messenger, etc.
4. High fear, irritation or anger if your spouse suddenly questions you about your online/cell phone activity.
5. Restlessness if not heard from him/her after a few hours. This restlessness calms only after contacting him/her.
6. More and more time is taken out of work, important schedules or even by waking up at night to contact your "online friend".
7. Higher comfort level in sharing your thoughts related to family, marriage, emotional and physical self with your online friend than your spouse.
8. Constant mental comparison between personality of your "online friend" and your spouse.
9. While in any form of physical intimacy with your spouse, your mind flashes the desire of being with your "online friend" instead.
10. Sharing sensitive information like provocative photos, bank or other financial details, personal body details or professional secret details with your "online friend" without having met him/her or verified his/her credentials.
11. Constantly planning to arrange business meetings, conferences or visits to spend time alone with your "online friend".
12. Constant denying to any emotional attachment to your "online friend", while you still spend a lot of time in the day thinking about him/her.
If you have scored 6 or more, you are into an online extra-marital affair.
The biggest side effect of an online-extra marital are the Withdrawal effects. - The moment you think or try to break a cyber-relationship, your mind is flooded with one or more of the following emotions - restlessness, guilt, anger, decreased self-esteem, hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and pain.
The inability to battle these emotions drives you back to it. Making it an emotional trap which you cannot leave.
Emotional Addiction, Sexual Addiction and Psychological frustration are 3 common side effects that accompany most online extra-marital affairs.
by: Resoren
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