Fellow Americans: We're Embarrassing Ourselves
Fellow Americans: We're Embarrassing Ourselves
A Pop Quiz
Quick! Name the nationality of this World Cup fan: He watches all 64 World Cup gamesin their entiretyevery year. He wakes up at 3 am just to be absolutely sure he will not miss a minute of action. He wrote an article entitled 11 Annoying Things That Are Bound to Happen At the 2010 World Cup.
Time's up! Bet you 10 pounds you didn't even think "American." (He's a Brit named Mark, and his column appears on caughtoffside.com.)
The Problem
Let's face it: Americans are spoiled by the world of professional sports. We have dozens of sport types, multiple sport channels, and countless sport websites. We can choose what we want to watch, and when we want to watch it. Who cares if our hemisphere is asleep while Lance completes the latest stage of the Tour de France? We've got basketball, tennis, and baseball all waiting for us the following evening.
The truth is we're pampered and we're lazy. When one game starts running too late, or another starts in the middle of the night, we crack open a beer, flip over to American Idol, and then say Screw it: I'm going to bed.
This is unacceptable.
Yes, Lance can wait. There are 162 major league baseball games every season, and you're not going to watch all of those dreadful match-ups. And let's be honest: no one's viewed more than 30 minutes of golf in one sitting in over 18 years. But when it comes to the World Cupwith the pride, the passion, the intensitylazy fan protocol has got to stop.
The Heritage
Take a look at this breakdown of all World Cups since the very first in 1930. In the last 80 years, the United States has finished in the top four once. Halley's Cometcomes around more often than that! Pitiful.
The Solution
The United States Soccer Team isn't going to win knowing that Americans couldn't care less. So how do we become better fans? Energy drinks. Like our British friend Mark, we've got to commit to the World Cup, and there's no better way to catch all the soccer mania than through drinking all the latest energy-inducing beverages. Here are a few options to get you started:
1. Kronik Energy:Exhausted after a 10-hour day at work, but have to stay up for a full slate of night games? Chug down Kronik Energy's 2000 mg of Caffeine, all in a 16 oz. can.
2. DynaPep Energy Micro-Shot: In the 87th minute, with the score tied 1 all, don't let your drooping eyelids spoil your fun. Take a Micro-Shot of DynaPep Energy to squeeze out those last few moments of the game.
3. Monster Heavy Metal Energy Drink: Need lots of fluid but don't want to buy a whole case of cans? Look no further than Heavy Metal Energy by Monster, 32 fluid ounces of caffeinated goodness that'll last you through a whole day's worth of games.
Still not satisfied? Glance at this
comprehensive list of other sleep-annihilating alternatives. The United States National Soccer Team will thank you.
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