Achieve Work-life Balance And Reduce Stress Part 2
I hope you've been implementing the work-life balance tips we discussed in part one of this series
. Now it is time to look at what else you can do to reduce stress. You need to figure out why you're out of balance. Look as those scales, hon. Examine them carefully and weigh what's on each side. You are the only one who can honestly assess your work-life balance challenges and make a positive change.You have to realize an essential fact: Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to be natural multi-taskers and do three or four things at a time, whereas men are wired to focus on one thing at a time. This is why when a man leaves home, it is very easy for him to physically and mentally leave home and its responsibilties behind. Women, however, carry home with us, and are constantly worrying, planning, and strategizing to try to execute what is on our too-long to-do list.
Please recall that in part one, I exhorted you to get some of your responsibilities off your plate before it cracks. Secondly, you learned to emphasize the specific behaviors you need from the men, children, and co-workers or employees in your life. You have to be Windex-clear about what you want done and who is going to do it--and then you have to let it go.
If a task is left undone or is done incorrectly, you must let the person responsible figure out how to fix the situation. As women, we have a tendency to jump in, solve the problem, and rescue those involved. But really gals, the only thing we should be rescuing are Greyhounds, not the "dogs" who want us to scoop up their poop rather than be accountable.
Rescuing also shows up in the workplace and is quite interesting to examine. When you have a female manager as opposed to a male manager, subordinates working under that female manager (both male and female) often expect to have their hands held through projects. They expect to be nurtured or "mothered" and this creates a harmful work dynamic for all involved unless you take decisive action.
Let me give you an example. A savvy corporate executive came to me for some kick-butt coaching. She was hurried and harried and could never get her work done. Why? Individuals were barging in on her, interrupting the work she was doing because they wanted help on projects that were their responsibility. She was at her wits end and her performance was suffering.
We devised a strategy to help this people-pleasing executive set positive boundaries at work. First she sent out a memo that she would be available for help at particular times of the day. We set those times for 7:30 to 8:00 in the morning and 5:00 to 5:30 in the afternoon, pre- and post-work day. (Did you get that? This detail is the secret to making this strategy work for you!)
What happened when her "open-door" office hours changed? Yes, the people who were bugging her to do their work stopped coming by. Imagine that! Miraculously, they became able to do their own work when it meant they would have to come in early or leave late to exploit her expertise and helpful attitude. My client was empowered to get her own work done, which meant she was a lot less stressed and much more productive and valuable to the company.
Similarly, our loved ones can expect us to take care of everything at home. Usually women are expected to run the household and make sure everyone's needs are met. Yet instead of nurturing everyone around us, we need to be more vigilant about setting boundaries. If we don't have healthy boundaries, we will find that our productivity and happiness are sufferingWe start to feel irritated and angry over little stuff. Our lives become full of drama and drudgery rather than excitement and success.
So, just to recap, we can reduce stress and create work-life balance if 1) we get some stuff off our plates (and keep it off by gosh!); 2) clarify the specific behaviors we expect from others; and 3) set boundaries when people want us to clean up their messes for them. Let me repeat, we need to stop cleaning up other people's messes at work and at home. But how?
When your kids don't have clean underwear (because you left it under the bed where they carelessly tossed itgood girl!), they'll learn to put their clothes in the hamper if they want to have them washed. And when your co-workers want you to solve their work problems, you can kindly remark, "I'm sure you'll figure out a way to solve thisYou're so creative and enthusiastic," then continue with your project. (It's about time you get the single-mindedness that men were born with, dear!)
Remember, when you are trying to create work-life balance, the changes you make professionally are going to impact your personal life and vice versa. As you practice having healthy boundaries at work or at home, what you do in one arena will naturally impact the other. You'll see that you are taking better charge of your time and managing yourself and others well. It's up to YOU to reduce stress in your life. So drop that pooper scooper this minute, hon, and get going on what's really important!
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