subject: Fighting Over The Finances [print this page] Many statistics show that the number one reason that causes most couple fighting is financial hardship. When money is tight, or non-existent, it become very difficult to stop arguing about the problems that created the situation, even if there is truly no one to blame.
One of the worst aspects of these types of relationship problems is that until the financial burden is eased it can be almost impossible to find a solution. The stressed caused by such important matters can cause people to feel like they are falling out of love and even think about breaking up simply because all other aspects of life are effected by money problems.
Though it isn't always easy to find a fix for monetary matters there are some ways to allow for better relationship skills when dealing with such a monumental issue. Several different strategies and decisions may help you to find the right road to solving your struggles in romance so that you can minimize the stress that isn't going to help improve your emotional or social state of mind.
*Locate the cause: In today's society many people struggle with money not because any one person was irresponsible, but simply because the economy is in a poor state all over. Though we have begun to see improvement economically your relationship may not be able to wait out the point where financial problems become manageable again.
In order to feel more in control it is vital that you and your partner discuss the source of the problem and take responsibility for any actions which may have added to the downward spiral. If you have simply been unfortunate, you can take this opportunity to find comfort in the fact that you and your partner have been doing your best and stop blaming one another needlessly.
If one person in the relationship is taking advantage of the other it is time to put an end to this behavior now. If such a dynamic continues it may result in ending a relationship that might have been otherwise successful; however if a couple cannot stand strong against challenges it may not be worth saving regardless.
*Budgets: Preparing a budget together may help you to see one anthers point of view more clearly. Though this may not be the most exciting task in the world when so many bills require payment that simply isn't available, facing this type of thing head on gives you and your partner a chance to support one another and perhaps even try to find some humor in the situation.
Figure out together where you make cuts and what you can do to ease some of the burden on your lives therefore taking some of the stress out of your lives and away from your relationship. The important idea here is to become a team, money might be the goal or the enemy, but turning on one another will not solve anything.
*Help: Allowing such hardships to make your decisions for you when it comes to romance may create situations that cause you to feel completely out of control and while monetary matters might be, your own feelings are still manageable. In order to achieve a state in which you and your partner can shoulder the burden together you will need to learn to help one another during those times when the strain begins to feel out of control.
If you begin to feel as though you and your partner cannot resolve the issues in your relationship caused by the financial strain you're experiencing you may want to seek outside help. In most cases simply learning how to communicate better and be more considerate of each others' feelings can greatly help the situation, but you may need help in order to achieve these goals. Though your cash flow is low you may want to consider such avenues as relationship counseling or couple's therapy; in many cases there are local community programs available for little or no cost which may be of use to you.
*Tough Decisions: Though monetary burdens may have kicked off your initial problems, in some cases couples become very different people while undergoing such a strain and it might be best to either take a break or call it quits in order for you both to begin moving in a more positive direction. Though this certainly isn't the most pleasant prospect, especially under already difficult circumstances, it may end up being the best thing for your relationship.
Communication Tips for Financial Struggles
Using these quick tips when in the middle of an argument or should you feel one coming on may help you to avoid or resolve the problems more quickly:
*Support: Show your partner that you care by allowing them to vent without feeling the need to defend or attack. Under such stress it can be very healthy simply to express your anger about the situation.
*Keep Calm: Your anger is not likely to help your partner's situation and it is important to allow them time to be angry without worrying about your temper.
*Check Defenses: If your partner should begin taking out their anger on you try to defuse the situation by reminding them that it is neither person's fault and that while you want to be there for them, you are not interested in being attacked for no reason. Remain calm and let your partner know that you will be there for them as long as they do not direct the anger at you.
*Name Slinging and Blame: When angry it can be difficult not to make accusations, even if you are well aware that there is no truth to them. Remember that making your partner feel badly will not resolve the situation and try to be considerate of their feelings as well as your own.
*Take a Break: When you're broke it can be difficult to get away, but you can easily take a walk for free. Invite your partner to join you in a change of scene, even if only a walk around the block and allow yourselves some breathing room out of the normal surroundings where you are so often stressing out.
*Positive: During this type of crisis it may seem almost impossible at time to find anything to be positive about; however if you can shine some light into your partner's life you may find that you can have a profound affect on their emotional state. A small act of kindness may bring about the smile you've been missing.
Understanding why relationship struggles can occur during a period of financial strain and hardship and knowing how to unite in the face of such problems can help to save a relationship.
Taking the time to push away from the source of stress and remember that both you and your partner are fighting for the same cause; respecting each other and trying to be considerate of one anthers feelings can make it feel like a new relationship entirely, despite the continuing financial strain.
by: Addison Kross
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