subject: Planning Your Financial Life Together [print this page] The number one hardest thing to talk about in a relationship is money. Couples often find that they can talk about anything under the sun without argument, except money.
This often affects marriages and families in negative ways. As a result, it is vitally important that you take steps to make money less stressful to talk about.
Whether you are newlyweds or celebrating your 15th anniversary, it is never too late to learn how to talk about money effectively. There are many obligations that a household is responsible for covering.
These things include income, food expenses, utility, mortgage payments, car payments, taxes, and so forth. Perhaps one of the most stressful times during the year is tax time.
Taxes are stressful because if you do not get it right the first time, the IRS may not forgive you. You could face mountains of paperwork and audits.
If you do not have the receipts to prove what you have written down, this hassle may be even greater. In addition, the tax code can be rather confusing or you may stress about whether you are actually receiving all of the benefits that you should be.
You may discover that you owe the government more money. If you do not have the money on hand, it could be even more frustrating.
However, remember that these frustrations are not the fault of your companion and you should not take your frustration out on them. Even if you think your financial problems are their fault, it is in the past now.
You should look to the future you can have together and work from the present together. Forget about the past and move forward together.
One of the most important things to learn how to do when you are planning your finances is how to co-manage them together. Most of the time one partner ends up handling most of the money handling.
Unfortunately, this person often becomes the "bad cop." When this occurs, arguments arise and problems occur.
To avoid the "bad cop" scenario, you and your partner need to work together. Both partners need to know where the finances are going and where the finances stand.
As mentioned before, you will need to learn how to leave your finger pointing behind. There is no room for pointing fingers in your marriage when you are holding hands.
Placing the blame on others probably means that you need to take a serious look at yourself. Let the past and move forward.
Financial discussions are often unproductive because both people get hung up on the other's faults. This is the opposite of where you should be as a couple.
In order for financial discussions to be profitable, you and your spouse must stay open minded and be willing to compromise. This is particularly important as you start out.
Now that you are both in a state of mind where you can actually talk about things, you can review your financial situations. It may not be pretty, but you are facing it together and you can figure out a solution that will work, even if it is very difficult.
Make sure you collect all of your bills, statements, receipts, and other paperwork that has to do with your finances. This is very important because one spouse may be reluctant to reveal spending or expenses.
When this happens you both need to realize that you can trust each other. To overcome secret spending, you need to set the habit of coming clean.
While reviewing this paperwork, you will need to make lists of expenses, debts, and income. Create a system for paying bills and adjusting your expenditures to meet your needs.
As you are adjusting your expenditures, you will want to review your financial goals and plans. If you do not have any of these you will want to set some.
A few examples of possible financial goals may include things like paying off a debt, saving enough for a down payment for the car, or simply breaking even this month. Try to set several short term and long term goals.
Specify what you will do to meet these goals. It is very difficult to meet goals that are vague and undefined.
Be sure to celebrate when you achieve your goals. If it helps, you may want to decide what you will do to celebrate.
You may go on a short vacation or a simply date night together to celebrate. It will feel wonderful as you begin achieving your financial goals together.
by: Jack Landry
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