subject: The Six Sins Of Taxes You Should Confess To Your Lawyer [print this page] Nothing is so cultivated to strike fear into the heart and mind of man and woman alike as is the dreaded tax audit. Yes, the IRS has long been the equivalent of the modern day Spanish Inquisition, the experts on the more subtle forms of torture. While that statement may seem a little melodramatic, how many of us, when filling out the yearly tax forms, don't secretly tremble at the possibility of making a small mistake which will bring down the wrath of the almighty IRS upon us simply through the improper placement of a decimal point or the failure to file form ASZ-111 silent P? Well, keep trembling. This article is not about a surefire way on how to avoid an audit-which is an article I would very much like to read. It is, rather, an article on the six most tragic ways to be caught with your tax underwear showing.
Fatal Mistake One-Being Mathematically-Challenged
Failing to learn your times tables in fourth grade does not absolve you from the unforgiving clutches of the IRS. Competency in addition and subtraction are prerequisites to filing, possibly to being allowed to hold a sharp writing instrument. If you can't add, hire someone who can. Also, if you have trouble moving a pen across paper so that the results resemble numbers, hire someone else. Many a pretty penny has been overpaid to Uncle Sam on account of the improper interpretation of a four into a six, or vice versa. You can try to clarify the mistake later, if you catch it, though you'll likely just pay what you are told to pay and never know it.
Fatal Mistake Two-Electric Boogaloo-Not really-Interest and Dividend Mismatch, But it Sounded Really Boring So I Spiced it Up.
All of your multitudinous paperwork must corroborate the same numbers. If one form says one thing and another form says another, the IRS is likely to round them all up and hold a little conference until it's all cleared up and the guilty parties are punished. Either way, it holds up a refund. Form 1099 is a repeat offender for this misdemeanor so watch out for that.
Fatal Mistake Three-The IRS Hates You
Oh yes. Don't get on the wrong side of the taxman. If you like to work in cash, they know you. They know your name, your business partner's name, and your dog's tennis partner's name. If you put in too many non-income deposits into your account then you'll have some 'splainin' to do.
Fatal Mistake Four-Your Mouth's Too Big
In this day and age of social networking and online chats, should you decide to tout your financial genius on how you managed to creatively bamboozle the IRS last year, they will totally unfriend you and then invite you to a chat room of their own. There are people out there who earn a living by reporting people like you.
Fatal Mistake Five-You're Too Good Lookin'
The IRS has a super cool computer program, codename DIF (Don't know what It stands For) that gives you a score based on how you look in comparison to people or businesses similar to you. If your deductions look a little too good, they have ways of squeezing more out of you. You look too good not to squeeze. So quit wearing all the financial make-up and frown once in a while.
Fatal Mistake Six-Congratulations, You Hired an Idiot!
Make sure you hire someone who can tie their own shoelaces and won't try to steal yours. Just because they have CPA after their name doesn't mean they have a clue. For all you know, CPA could stand for Cuddly Poodle Associate. Check them out before they cash you out.
And there it is: the six biggest blunders next to causing a land war in Asia (writing credit to William Goldman) some of which lie on a par with being forced to eat a partially heated corndog (writing credit to me and last night's dinner). Should you require further protection, you should acquire legal assistance. It doesn't matter whether you live in New York or New Orleans, a lawyer may be your final layer of protection should to disregard the mass of accumulated wisdom found in this article.
by: Art Gib
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