subject: Dating for parents, kids aren't the problem you think they are [print this page] Dating for parents, kids aren't the problem you think they are
Recently a friend asked me how I approached dating my wife many years ago, as I looked at him he added, you know how did you deal with the kids and the ex always being around to see them? This got me thinking, thinking how for so many men thinking of dating a single mum, they see the kids before they see the women. They seem to see the children, and maybe their father as the main issue. Yes dating for parents is always going to involve the children, in many cases on both sides, but it really isn't the main issue at all. Nor should it be the reason that you turn down a relationship with a beautiful woman just because she has kids.
You've got to understand that every single mother is a women first and mum second. When you meet a woman that you think you may get on with, whether it's on a dating website, or out with friends, and then find out she has kids think about how you get on with this person first and then think about the kids. Yes the kids will be an issue that has to be dealt with, but don't get hung up on the fact that they are there, put her first.
So you decide you can do this and find out that you really get on, before you know it your starting a relationship, it's now that you must deal with the kids, not before. The priority is to reassure her that you don't in any way see the children as a problem, because believe me every single mum out there who is dating again for the first time since leaving the kids dad is worried about how men are going to view her now that she comes as a package' with kids in tow.
Ask about the kid's routines, learn to work out when it's best to see each other around the kids, do this and you'll reassure her that you realise that she has commitments, but that you are prepared to work around them. Over time start to mix seeing her with the kids around, let the slowly come to view you as a new friend, you'll be surprised how their happiness with you rubs off on her.
Make sure you see their dad as an opportunity, not an obstacle, after all he's a free baby sitting service there and willing to be used1 Make sure he knows you are not trying to take his kids away from him, make sure the kids call you by your first name and know that yes you are dating their mum, but just want to be their friend. And don't get jealous about him still being around, he's around because he is the children's father and nothing else.
Always try to see the woman first, before so called problems that are only really in your head. Dating for parents isn't about the kids, it's about people dating who just happen to also have kids, don't overlook that great woman just because she happens to have kids.
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