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Romanycheva looks the part with her hacked-off hair and contemptuous pout, and her seduction scene on a moving train with Whiz packs heat. But she remains only a semi-intriguing central figure, not even introduced until a half-hour into the too-leisurely movie. There also are structural problems, like when Angela and Whiz go rogue with a bunch of allies who materialize out of nowhere.
Bormatov saves his playful impulses for the end titles, giving his lead actors photo credits on a mortuary slab as a cheesy Italian '80s pop hit chirps about happiness. A hint of that spirit earlier might have made this drab genre piece more fun.
Opens: Friday, Dec. 17 (Paladin)
Production: Red Square, Profit, Fox International Production
Based on the graphic novel by Vladimir "Adolfych" Nesterenko
Producers: Konstantin Ernst, Igor Tolstunov
Directors of photography: Dmitri Kuvshinov, Anastasiy Michailov
Production designers: Galia Sadarova, Oleg Uhov
Editor: Julia Batalova
Music: Yuri Dementev
Not rated, 100 minutes
If the title of the movie doesn't scare you, then the plot will. This was found in the cult-horror movie section of the video store I used to work at. Things found in "cult" section of my video store are either really original, have a really big underground fan base, or just suck. "Alien Beach Party Massacre" just sucks. I think they tried to make it funny, but it just sucked. A race of human-like aliens (Think Data from Star Trek.) steal a "highly advanced weapon" called the "Death Sphere" from another race of pig-like homicidal aliens. Okay now, get this. The Deathsphere looks EXACTLY like a volleyball and is activated by touching three of the panels in a particular sequence. (Which oddly enough no one knows.) Whoever touches the last panel is erased from existence. That in my opinion doesn't make it a very effective weapon since you have to MAKE your enemy touch the last panel, but what do I know?
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