When i started school i was staying with my grandmother and my brother,my mother's sister ,her son and daughter and my cousin.Grandmother was a very strict lady,she taught us to do house work while young and didnt want us mixing with other kids in the village,she always had the believe that children who stayed at home will remain desciplined and do well at school.with lack of social life with other children we knew it was wrong to play outside with other children.we became close amongst ourselves and didnt have any other friends.Well we did well at school but i felt i was missing something everytime i was with others.
all my classmates were cheerful children,they had friends to talk to during breaks but i didnt have a friends to seat with and chitchat with like a kid.i would just seat around just anybody and smiled and laughed anytime they did but because i wasnt one of them i couldnt chip in and have fun like them.At tender ages of 8,9,10 i knew something wasnt right.The more we werent given that freedom the more i became withdrawn and very reserved .As a child i knewthe elders are always right and they know what is right and they have to be obeyed which meant i had to stay away from playing with others after school or during the weekend.
This became a disease,i knew i wasnt save around no one expect my family and gradually this affected me socially.i started to develop this very uncontrolable fear which haunted me so bad.As young as i was i wasnt so concerned much about what other kidsdid to me, theywere playing and having fun and i was different.i was concerned of what i was becoming,they didtry playing and joking around with me butmost of the time i took things personal.As i grew older it became even worse because of being deprived the opportunity to learn socialising skills at an early age.i started thinkin and analysing people from a very young age and this isnt healthy for the mind at all.sometimes our parents do things for us without considering what they will make us,giving children what they deserve is very important in what their future becomes.
i had problems with my boyfriends because i was insecure,i liked to analyse them a lot and that didnt make life easy for me i had to remember where i came from and understood how much stress i could be causing for the poor little boy .For me to get married like i am i had to learn to trust first ,i lived amonst people a lot had friends and that made me feel better about other people.i dated a very nice guy and now am happily married.i am making sure that i am having much fun and laughing all the time .Back in them days of my childhood i rarely smiled,i wasnt really a happy child.
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